When is it MY turn??

So I was up most of the night thinking about our infertility and what we will have to endure to have a family. I think I was just reprocessing things in my mind and having another sad realization that this was not going to happen the "easy" way. I woke this morning, early, not feeling very refreshed and got a call from my sister, whom I am very close with.

My sister and I have always been close. Growing up in bad family life we kind of clung to each other. She just turned 22yrs old and has a daughter who is just about 4yrs old. My sister had an "oops" when she was a teen from not taking birth control correctly and not using protection. She was supposed to be marrying fall '09 but due to "finances" they said they were just going to have another baby (like a baby is cheaper than a wedding!?!?) Well this morning she called to say she is PREGNANT..............

I did not know what to say to that. On one hand she is my sister and I love her and am very happy for her. On the other hand I was thinking it is MY turn. I know this sounds selfish, but her knowing what I am going through and then trying to get pregnant NOW??? I know she cannot put her life on hold because of my infertility, but get married, finish college, get on your feet before doing this again. I am ready! I am married! I am stable! The tears just poured from my eyes as I tried to congratulate her, feeling sad for myself and horrible that I was so angry. I will except this new niece/nephew with open arms, but when is it MY turn???

Think before you speak

So I was working tonight and had a patient that just had her 10th baby. Like all of my patients, the dreaded "Do you have kids?" question was asked and I simply stated "not yet". Of course that answer is never good enough for them and I go more into depth. Well tonight this lady said something that for some reason did not sit well with me. My pt said that I should feel "LUCKY" for having to do IVF! I had to bite my tongue and just smile, but my whole drive home that is all I could think of. I know that I should feel grateful for finally having an answer and solution, but sometimes I feel cheated that I never had the chance to try any other fertility treatments. I by all means did not want to suffer a long, emotional, unsuccessful journey of TTC, but I also had IVF as a final step in my mind, not a starting point.

I always had a feeling that I was going to have problems TTC. I know it sounds crazy, but I remember crying to my OB when I was 16 yrs old, that I was scared I would have problems getting pregnant. She simply stated "you are so young and have plenty of time before you have to worry about that" Now, I am 25 yrs old with more reproductive problems than I ever imagined. How did this happen?????? Why me????? It's not fair!!!!!!! I do realize there are people who are far worse off than me, but I seem to be having my own pity party tonight