Uterus on Strike

What a crappy last couple of weeks I have had. It is bad enough my reproductive organs don't want to help me TTC, but now my uterus is punishing me for something I am unaware of. I have been bleeding for 36 days now. Yes is said 36 DAYS!!!! Prior to that I had spotted for 21 days. I am not talking light bleeding either. Full blown, heavy, feel like I'm slowly bleeding to death, big scary clots bleeding!

I of course went to my OB to find out what the problem was, and she told me maybe I had a miscarriage and the bleeding would stop soon. WTF??? So I left and a few days later ended up in the ER. I had been soaking pads every 2 hours and started to feel really weak and dizzy. The ER doctor said my blood level was low. He ran a few tests and gave me lot of fluids and then told me to follow up with my OB.

I of course found myself a new OB, a GYN surgeon in fact. I was started on 400mg of progesterone to try and stop the bleeding. If the bleeding does not stop by the end of the week I have to have a D&C and then she will do the laparoscopy at the same time instead of the 17th.

I am just angry! My ovaries don't want to ovulate, my tubes won't let eggs through, and now my uterus wants to kill me! To top it all off I also have to get my tonsils out on the 20th! The uterus has been talking to other parts of my body and has started it's own picket line!

In the long run I am hoping the lap will better my chances at conceiving. The doctor will double check that my tubes are blocked before taking them out or tie them off, and will also clean up the endometriosis.

On another not, my sister had her D&C last Tuesday and is doing well. Her and he fiance have decided to get married Sep 12th now before TTC again.

Something in the Water

As most of us go through our IF journey we will see many of our close friends and family conceive without effort and go on to have healthy, happy families. This becomes a difficult time for any of us. I myself am an OB nurse and work with pregnant, laboring, and postpartum women everyday. To make it more interesting I work at a high risk county hospital.

I see women having their 13th baby, doing drugs, not giving a shit, and then there are the rest of us that would die just to have one baby. Don't get me wrong, I see plenty of nice women just building their families that deserve to be parents too, it's just in the last few weeks I have seen multiple moms come in on cocaine and putting yet another child into foster care. I love my job, I wouldn't be able to deal with some of this stuff if I didn't, it's just some times it makes me so mad!

Onto another topic. My co-workers are popping up pregnant left and right. Everywhere I look I see growing bellies. Everyone keeps telling me "it's in the water" "just drink the water". I am highly doubtful that I will conceive just from drinking from their same water source. The last time I checked the grand total had reached 14 before 4 of them delivered. Recently 2 more co-workers have been added to the list. In the last 2 weeks we had 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons born! I am very happy for all my co-workers who are starting or adding on to their families, it just gets a lot harder when everyone around you is having great luck conceiving when your not. I do have a few fellow co-workers who are in the same boat as I am. One has already had a failed IVF cycle and is trying to figure out what her next step is. Another has just start metformin and clomid. I know I am not the only one struggling, but sometimes it is hard for me to be happy for all these people when I am so down about my own situation

Again moving on to another subject. In my previous post I had talked about my little sister becoming pregnant and how I was so upset, but still happy for her. She started spotting a few days ago and I told her to be seen in the clinic. On Monday she went in for and U/S and was supposed to be 7+4wks. The doctor told her she was 5+2 with a small SCH (subchorionic hemorrhage) The doc said he was "cautiously optimistic". The only problem with this is that she got a + HPT on Dec 19th and if she is only 5+2 then she would have been 2+9 when she got the +HPT. I am worried that the baby stopped growing. She is supposed to go in for a repeat U/S next Friday to see if they can see a heartbeat. I do not want her to miscarry and go through what I went through. Please pray that everything is o.k.

One last topic before I end this post. I have had AF now for 15 days!!!!!! Heavy bleeding with large clots for 15 days!!!! I have no clue what is going on. It is normal for me to have long cycles or patches of spotting, but no 15 days of consistent heavy bleeding. I am going to call my OB on Monday to make an appointment. I am just fed up with my reproductive organs!!!

This to shall pass..............

A New Year

A new year has begun!!! I sure hope it is a better year than the last. This "new" year will mark the 3rd year of our TTC journey. 3 yrs.........never did I think it would take this long. My husband, being the optimistic one in this relationship, looked at me last night and said " Just think......this is going to be the year we get our family". Of course I started crying and tried to share in his optimism. It is a very exciting thought to think that I could have a baby(or babies) in my arms by the end of the year! Although I had this same thought in my mind at the beginning of last year, I am slightly more optimistic this year.

I have seen many people within our infertility world suffer this last year, and I hope this is a great year for all of us!